Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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