i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
