somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
