I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize