I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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