WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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