Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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