Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
