Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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