It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
