Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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