Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
