You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
