I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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