Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
