Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
