I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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