Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize