He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Bring me that man meat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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