the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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