I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
