im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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