I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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