I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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