i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
