New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
