I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
