her vagine was all disorganized.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
