be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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