ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
