so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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