What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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