she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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