I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish i was in the wii world.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
