Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
