i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
