his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
