You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
