Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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