I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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