And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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