ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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