Joe is yelling at the trees again.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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