I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
