a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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