sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
