dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Randomize
