I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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