sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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