Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
