Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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