I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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