Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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