Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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