I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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