I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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