You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got inside last night via doggy door
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize