Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
