how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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