its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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