So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
