...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
