remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
