I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
