1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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